I’ve been married for just under 2 months now and whilst I am excited for the next chapters in our married life together I’ve had the feeling of this little blue cloud looming over me for a few weeks.
A bit like that sinking feeling after returning from a fantastic holiday or how after the Christmas break going back to work and real life is all a bit, well depressing!
Well it’s been like that, but worse!
And it had been getting gradually worse since we returned from honeymoon, an amazing 2 weeks on the beautiful island of Mauritius and 3 whole weeks off work (the longest I’ve been off since the good old days of school holidays – remember them), what did I have to be sad about! But last week I literally felt completely deflated with no enthusiasm for anything.
Now in my own defence I’d had a particularly stressful week or 2 in work (no change there then) and my dad had just had a heart attack requiring an operation and hospitalisation which was a massive shock – but by the weekend I was completely exhausted and ready to just stay tucked up in bed and not get up despite the beautiful May sunshine making a welcome appearance.
After dedicating 13 months to planning our wedding, spending all my spare time, every waking minute thinking of everything that needed to be done – I had my life back! But life was just normal again. And not only that, but I was back at work too (boo what happened to my dream of never going back – ha) and the house was and still is a tip.
So I started thinking “what is wrong with me” and why I was feeling so low and dare I say it feeling depressed! Was I the only newlywed bride going crazy and is there actually such a thing as the wedding blues.
After a bit of Googling I was relieved to find out I’m certainly not alone and the Post-Wedding Blues are indeed a real thing!
Apparently it is common for one in ten brides (and even grooms) to become depressed after their wedding day!
But why do we get blue? All the stress of planning and coordinating just gets replaced with a feeling of well emptiness once the wedding is over! Whether I had wanted it to or not, ‘the wedding’ had became a major focus in my life and letting it go had really knocked my mojo!
So great – I’m not alone but how the hell do I shift this feeling?
Well for a start it was certainly time I gave myself a proper kick up the backside and a good old talking to myself! This usually works when I’m feeling low about things and I just have to pick my sorry self up and get on with it. Dwelling on a sad feelings only breeds more sadness! It’s time to find something new to be excited about.
After all the wedding and honeymoon, as amazing as they were, are actually only the first steps on our future together as Mr & Mrs – there will be plenty more exciting things in our lives, the wedding hopefully only being one in a long line of them.
What I learnt from my research to help shifting my cloud it was a good idea to plan some exciting post wedding things to do with my husband. To make an effort to make everyday events exciting and important.
So I’ve made a list (agreed with Mr W) of what we want to do over the first year of our marriage and maybe even what we want to do for our first anniversary, and I’d thought I’d share it with you! (Well the first draft at least, I’m sure it’ll evolve as the year progresses as lists always do)
1. Complete our garden – when we moved into our home just over 2 years ago it was a repossession that had been rented out for a few years. The house itself is only just 10 years old but had been completely abused by its tenants and the garden was, well err – not a garden! It was a small piece of wasteland with a broken washing machine, rotten wooden decking, tones of gravel, mud and some weeds. Not one plant or tree had been planted and it was a very sorry state. We did not even attempt to do anything for the first year, but with an engagement party planned we were spurred on to design our own piece of paradise. We called in the big guns and had all the hard work done for us with a new patio and levelling the ground – so now we need to fill it with plants and to generally prettify it. I will share about our garden makeover once its complete!
2. Finish all the decorating and all those little jobs in the house that we just ran out of energy to do when the wedding took over our lives.
3. Plan some weekends away for some time together. We actually did this the first weekend we were back and went off to Harrogate for a little weekend break to go to the Harrogate Spring Flower show for some inspiration for the garden. It was fantastic so we want to get a few more things planned to do.
4. Go on bike rides to explore the local area more. Where we live, the Wirral Peninsula, is as its name suggests a small peninsula surrounded on 3 sides by coastline nestled between North Wales, Chester and Liverpool. It’s where I grew up but my husband is new to the area and there are so many places even I haven’t explored. We made a start on this at the weekend and discovered some little gems only 4 miles from our home.
5. Make time to catch up with friends. With all the planning and tight purse strings in the run up to the wedding I kind of sidelined any social life I had which was already dwindling and focused all energies into planning the big day (big mistake)! So now I have some more time and pennies I cannot wait to catch up with the girls!
6. Plan some new things to do together – cookery classes, date nights, days out! Things we had to limit during the wedding saving!
7. Find a new interest for me. I used to do adult learning courses in the evening but haven’t done anything in a while, so I’ll have a nosey to find something to do just for me!
8. Get back into my gym routine. In the year up to the wedding I joined a new gym and was there frequently! Since the honeymoon I’ve just not had the motivation but that lack of happy endorphins created by exercise probably isn’t helping!
We’ve also talked about future plans and when we feel it may be right for a new addition to the family if we are so blessed! And no I don’t mean a dog!!
And if you are feeling as blue as me remember the highs are not just what your life together as a couple is about, its about getting back into the routine of daily life and cherishing the little things together!
And failing that well I could always start plans for renewal of our vows in say five or ten years!
I’d love to hear from anyone else who has is is feeling like me!
Until next time!
Image by my fantastic wedding photographer Teresa Cunningham Find her page here